Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.

Like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings into a relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...

You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time... FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever to settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

How to give praise to your child:

There are many ways that we can reward our children for good behavior or for doing excellent work in school. Here are a few ways to praise your child without going overboard...which could cause problems down the road as they come to expect things from you:

1. Tell your child how proud you are of the process and the effort that they made for the job well done. Shifting the focus to effort illuminates the key to mastery.

2. Tell your child that they are a really great 'thinker' rather than telling them they are brillant or a genius for an A on a paper. The child put a lot of effort into the paper, so again, reward them for the process. If you tell them that they are brilliant or a genius and they fail at something, it could harm their self confidence.

3. Do not give the child material items when they do something good. Instead, tell them how proud you are of them and the effort they put into the task was excellent! If you reward with materials items, they will come to expect them from you later. Material items should be an extra special treat that you provide for them.

4. Hug the child and tell them that you are so very proud of them. Tell them that you had faith that they could achieve the task. Believing in your child is very powerful. It creates a strong bond because they believe that you are on their 'team.'

How to Find Real Love

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

For most people falling in love means having strong, close, warm, intoxicating feelings. When these feelings pass, (as they must) they feel that the love is gone. Nothing can be further from the truth. When these feelings pass ( as all feelings do) that is the point at which the love can begin.

For many there is uncertainty about what love actually is. "I don't know if she's the right one," they say. Or, "I'm in love with her, but not in love." Others say, "I know I'm in love because I can't live without him. If he leaves, I'll fall apart." Others feel that being jealous and possessive means they are in love.

In these cases love is confused with intoxication, excitement, attachment, dependency, and a host of other painful feelings. This kind of love simply becomes an antidote to pain that arises from a life that is not lived fruitfully. These feelings arise from confusion, not only about what love truly is, and how it arises, but from who we really are, and what life itself wants of us in order to be happy and fulfilled.

When we use another person, or use the experience of being "in love", to fill the void in our own lives, that kind of love always fails. That kind of love always brings disappointment and heartache in its wake. It cannot be otherwise.

So, what is this real love? The one that grows and cannot be shaken? Where do we find it? We do not find it, we do it. This kind of love grows out of deeds. It is not a state of intoxication, but a process of action that is ongoing and strong. It starts with ourselves, and extends out to others. It is not that which we are hunting to receive, but that which we are giving to others. This kind of love, which cannot fail, quite simply, is built upon deeds of worth.

When we fill our lives, and our actions towards others, with deeds of value, deeds that we can respect - actions towards them and ourselves that are loving, respectful, generous, kind, love happens in that very moment. The more actions of this kind that we take towards others and towards ourselves the stronger our foundation of love becomes. No matter how the other is behaving, we can always respond with a deed of worth - with a kind word,a moment of forgiveness,a hug, with seeing the bigger picture. We can open our hands and offer life to them, rather than close our hands and our hearts, clutch and confine them in a tiny world.

What are the deeds of worth you cherish? What is it you need to receive from others in your life? Whether or not you have received it, are you willing to offer it anyway? If you are, you will find yourself in the process of building a life of love that cannot be shaken, and all your relationships will take a completely different turn.